January 2009
1 post
“and i repeat: i will not be silent, silenced or weak. I will be respectful,...”
– eM
October 2008
4 posts
3 tags
MANIFEST.
tiny-poemadoes:
Be joyful. Please women (more). Take love to field. Lie shaded. Rest(head)inherlap. Swear allegiance to nighest (your thoughts) as soon as politicos predict motionsofmind, lose it asign marking -the way you wouldn’t go… Practice resurrection.
(found via: star-wars)
September 2008
36 posts
“Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen. Like friends, too, we should...”
– charles caleb colton (via paperbackgirl)
“i am sorry.”
“♥ Gossip”
–noun
1.idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others: the endless gossip about Hollywood stars.
2.light, familiar talk or writing.
3.Also, gos·sip·er, gos·sip·per. a person given to tattling or idle talk.
4.Chiefly British Dialect. a godparent.
5.Archaic. a friend, esp. a woman. –verb (used without object)
6.to talk idly, esp. about the affairs of others; go about...
Let Us be Constructive:
Criticism given, whether negative or positive, means somebody cares.
1. Contruct.
Constructive comments reinforce good behavior or motivate us to make positive changes. Comedian Milton Berle was dining with his wife when a waiter put too much pepper on her salad. Mrs. Berle tasted it and offered a constructive criticism “Needs more salad.”
2. Destroy.
Negative criticism is unjustified when it results from the wrong motive. Psychologist and author Henry C. Link says, “If you wish to make enemies, tell people simply, ‘You are wrong’. This method works every time.” If they cannot explain why you’re wrong, their motive is likely destructive, not constructive.
3. Mislead.
Some criticism results from errors or lack of knowledge. “We frequently hear something described as ‘terrific’ when it’s merely OK; or ‘fabulous’ when it is just good. Unsophisticated audiences are likely to react to artistic performances in one of two ways. One is to sit on their hands and not applaud because they don’t know what is good or bad. The other...
4. Absence.
Absence of criticism may sound appealing, but it often signals a lack of concern by those around you or an absence of leadership. A Gallup Poll published in First Break all the Rules found the most profitable companies are those where employees receive praise or criticism once a week. Silence leads to slippage, not success.
5. Request it.
The person who holds an attitude of “I’m perfect” or an organization with employees who feel “we don’t need to change”, are destined to fail. Eye on Excellence trainer Steve Phillips always closes his workshops with a request: “If you don’t rate me as outstanding, tell me why.”
To decide if criticism you’ve received is valid and useful,...
1. Lack of Trust.
Trust is as important as competence. Skeptics tend to criticize the unknown. Do you over-promise and under-perform? Define steps to build your critic’s trust. Trust requires time, talent and a track record of success.
2. Ignorance.
Field Marshall Bernard Montgomery said there are four types of soldiers in the British army:
smart and lazy;
smart and hardworking;
stupid and lazy; or,
stupid and hardworking.
“You can work with or manage any combination but one. Stupid and hardworking!” What category fits your critic?
3. Jealousy
When you’re on to something good, critics that want you to fail will often appear. Thomas Stanley, Ph.D., author of The Millionaire Mind, says, “Successful people are different; they don’t follow the crowd. This often results in criticism from people in the crowd who want to steal your success.” Success often comes at the price of not being one of the gang.
4. Fear.
A person can be defined by their fears. Fear of the unknown will bring out crowds of critics, especially when it comes to Activity Based Management, e.g. “What’s going to happen to the people who perform non-value activities?” What are your critic’s fears?
5. Negotiation
Negative criticism is sometimes used to gain an advantage in a transaction. While being interviewed on CNN’s Larry King Live, Donald Trump surprised King when he said, “Larry, do you mind if I sit back a little? Your breath is very bad.” The confused talk show host paused and then realized, “That’s how you get the edge in negotiations. That little comment you threw...
6. Human nature.
It is instinctive for people to focus on the negative instead of the positive. Author, speaker and teacher Howard Hendricks uses the following illustration and group exercise to demonstrate human nature. He asks students to write comments about a proposed wheelbarrow design: Most people respond with negative criticisms of the design, e.g. wheel too small, handle too short, won’t hold much....
8. Politics.
If your critic is from a different “political” party, their criticism may be rooted in opinion, not fact. Mark Twain once said, “We all know that in all matters of mere opinion that man is insane. Democrats are insane to Republicans and Republicans are insane to Democrats. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.” Recognize that some...
7. Majority Rules.
Psychologist Ruth Berenda and her associates performed a series of experiments to show how people handle group pressure. Groups of ten teenagers were brought into a room. At the front of the room was a chart with three lines, each a different length. What one teen did not know is that the other nine had been instructed ahead of time to vote for the second-longest line on a chart in the room. When...
9. Change.
People will often attack things they don’t like, not things that are wrong. One of the things people don’t like is change. There are four prerequisites to effective change:
a clear, shared vision;
an internal capacity for change;
an external pressure to change; and,
actionable first steps.
If any one is missing, the chances of success are seriously reduced. Are any of these...
10. Concern for Others.
Criticism can result from valid concerns. You may be doing an awesome job based on your targeted service level, but the recipient may have a completely different understanding. Communications and negotiations are required to bridge the expectations gap.
“How to cope:”
1. Be Active!
“I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.” says comedian Carol Leifer. Despite what you might think, not implementing ABM or some other improvement may actually bring you more criticism than implementing it poorly. Character is developed through adversity, not when you’re coasting. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
2. Speak Truth.
False prophets are well spoken of because they don’t speak the truth. Truth sometimes hurts and it often alienates, but it is still the truth and the right thing to do. A man is known by his enemies. There are some people that I want as my enemy! You may have some critics for all the right reasons. An Air Force pilot once told me that the closer you get to the target, the greater the flack.
3. Invite the written.
Verbal criticism is often full of holes, poorly thought out and oft invalid. Invite your critics to submit their recommendations in writing. Don’t grieve over criticism pointed at you in unsigned letters. That’s a waste of your time. Unsigned notes indicate one of two things: the critic either didn’t have enough conviction to put their name to it or the sole intent was to hurt,...
4. Look for Truth.
Repeated criticism can be a valid warning. If three people independently provide criticism on something you feel confident about, look for grains of truth in their comments. Engage your critics help by asking them three questions:
What’s positive about this idea?;
What’s interesting about it?; and,
What can I change to improve the idea?
These responses turn a negative into a...
5. Sort feeling from fact.
I can’t look up someone’s feelings in a database to confirm their validity. If someone tells me, “I feel that ABM is not that good”, I won’t change their mind with an argument that begins with “You’re wrong!” Perceptions are factual. You have to deal with feelings when your business is all about perception. At ICMS we believe that perception is...
6. Who is your role model?
Look for people who have dealt with criticism effectively. Who is your role model?
7. Use discernment.
Discernment is the ability to separate fact from fiction and the important from the trivial. To be able to discern the correct response to criticism requires wisdom. Develop a plan for handling criticism. Learn to get to the root cause, keeping your eyes on the big picture. “When you swim in the ocean, you get attacked by sharks and guppies. Don’t worry about the guppies.”
8. Respond as friend not foe
Human nature is to repel or run from criticism. It’s best to receive it and then deal with it. If criticism is misdirected, play the role as a friendly facilitator, e.g. “I am not the one you need to talk to, but I will help you make the connection you need.”
9. Have a sense of humor.
“A good sense of humor enlivens our discernment and guards us from taking everything that comes down the pike too seriously. By remaining lighthearted, by refusing to allow our intensity to gain the mastery of our minds, we remain much more objective.”
10. Combine criticism with praise.
Mary Kay had a phenomenal positive impact on thousands of people during her lifetime. One of her most famous sayings was, “Sandwich every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise.” Her advice makes every criticism a positive. If your associate had ten things to do, eight of which were done to perfection, don’t spend 80% of your time talking about the two things they...
88. Dear Don Draper, How do you feel about "Gossip...
whatwoulddondraperdo:
I don’t feel a thing, but I don’t mind watching. Voiceover narration is a difficult device to pull off. When it fails, it’s grating. And while an annoying gossip columnist makes sense, it’s not interesting. There’s no twist there. Just irritation. I’ll admit bias: I take my reputation seriously. I find it difficult to connect with the fantasy of being a public figure.
